Waiting

We lost power just before midnight when the snow got heavy Monday night and just got it back yesterday evening (we lived through the 9 degree night by camping around the fireplace.) As such, I haven't had an opportunity to write, but it strikes me that until I start Chemo, there's not that much to write about. And I won't start Chemo until after my appointment with Dr. Cheson on the 18th.

This waiting is strange--I can only relate it to being in the "marshall" stack while waiting our turn to land on the aircraft carrier back in my flying days. "Marshall" is where, at night or in bad weather, planes stack up at 1000' intervals, waiting to fly into the ship and land. Psych studies have shown that this is the most stressful phase in carrier aviation, more than landing on the boat, more than being shot at in combat. At least in those situations, you are doing something. In marshall, you're just circling in the dark or in the clouds, thinking about landing that big plane on that tiny, moving runway.

As I sit here--waiting--knowing that, however slowly, the cancer is progressing, everything inside of me screams to get this thing going. I want to start Chemo NOW! I want to start beating this thing NOW! I want to feel like I'm making progress. I need to take this time to reflect, to collect information, and to enjoy the relative health I feel. Yoga tomorrow will help. Robbie will help tonight.